"The Night My True Journey Began" - Final Submission

 It is hard to describe… that feeling I’d get at the end of the church services that I attended on Sundays. The order of the services rarely changed… singing, announcements, special music. preaching and finally… the “invitation.”

The “invitation” is just what it sounds like… it was when attendees were invited to walk down the aisle of the church to pray at the altar or to make some sort of a decision about their spiritual lives. It was a personal decision made in a public way. The decision could be to dedicate themselves to the ministry, to rededicate their lives to Christ, to be baptized or, the most important decision… to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savior.

 

There was a rhythm to the invitation. The sermon was closed with prayer, the congregation would stand and sing an old familiar hymn, “Just as I Am,” while the pastor implored those who felt led… to come forward.

 

Just as I am, without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bid'st me come to Thee
O Lamb of God, I come! I come

 

“Is the Holy Spirit speaking to you? If so, then obey His prompting and make your way down this aisle today.” Pastor Osborne would plead.

 

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fighting and fears within without
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

 

Every time I heard the pastor utter these words… I’d get this “feeling” of unease and I would grab onto the pew in front of me the way you would grab onto the safety bar of a wild roller coaster ride at an amusement park.

 

Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot
to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

 

Why was this happening to me? My mind would run through a familiar sequence on each occasion of this feeling of unease. It went something like this:

Why do I feel this way?

Is God speaking to me?

Do I need to accept Christ?

Of course not! I did that when I was 7. I’m now super active in my church. I’m the President of the youth group. I have no reason to go forward. What a ridiculous notion. Just hold on and I’ll be fine in a few minutes.

 

This battle raged on for months. I told myself that I didn’t know what was going on but a still, small voice in my spirit indicated otherwise. It was a battle being waged between my head and my heart. I fabricated an intellectual argument to quell a plea coming from the depths of my soul.

 

Dan Hawtree - MANY years later

In January of 1976… around the occasion of my 17^th birthday, our church held a revival with Evangelist by the name of Dan Hawtree, a fiery preacher of the gospel who held your attention with his mastery of the scriptures and his keen sense of humor. But little did I know that it would be Pat, his wife, who would be used of God to touch my life in a special way during the final night of those meetings.

 

The revival meetings went from Sunday to Sunday. Eight days of gospel preaching. Pat Hawtree was a beautiful lady with an amazing and powerful singing voice. She would belt out a gospel song before every sermon that her husband would preach. That was the extent of her involvement in the services… until the final service that second Sunday night.

 

Dan Hawtree introduced his wife that night… not to sing… but to share the testimony of how she became a born again child of God.

 

Pat Hawtree

She talked about growing up in the church and attending every service with her family. As a teen, she became very active in her youth group. Upon graduating from high school, she attended Tennessee Temple Christian College and was selected to sing in an ensemble group of college kids that would travel and sing in various churches. The group would present the gospel everywhere they went.

 

For some reason, I was locked into her words. Her story wasn’t exactly like mine but there were enough similarities that I found myself hanging on her every sentence. It was as if I knew that she had a message especially intended for me.

 

Mrs. Hawtree continued. She told us that throughout her teen years and into the first couple years of Bible college, she felt an unsettled  longing in her soul. She couldn’t pinpoint the cause nor the source but it was amplified in many church and chapel services… especially during the invitation.

 

Now she REALLY had my attention.

 

Two years into Bible college, Pat Hawtree came to the realization that despite her Christian upbringing, her involvement in church and ministry and her service in Bible college… that the still small voice in her spirit and the unsettled longing in her soul… was God knocking at her heart’s door. She concluded that she had never truly accepted Jesus into her heart and life. Upon that realization, she asked Jesus to cleanse her from her sins and to come into her heart and save her.

 

Tears welled up in my eyes as God’s Spirit spoke truth to me through the life and testimony of Pat Hawtree that night. I finally realized that faithful church attendance and involvement in ministry, although good and admirable, were not the currency for God’s offer of salvation. It was the admission of sin and the acceptance of Christ’s blood sacrifice that promised a home in heaven.

 

That night, I gave my heart to Jesus. That night, my true journey began and the blessings that I have received from on high are too numerable to recall, let alone mention. My faith in and direction from God has absolutely been the catalyst for every major decision in my life through all of these decades since my conversion. My marriage, my kids, my places of employment, the places we have lived and the houses of worship where we’ve attended and served in… have been of God. I’m 100% convinced of that.

 

If you have read my submissions to this blog, “Though He Fall,” from the beginning, you will know that a good portion of my early life was filled with pain, confusion and despair. What I didn’t realize through all of that mess… was that God was there and He was preparing the way for me to come to Him. At my absolute breaking point at 16 years old, in 1975… God engineered the circumstances that brought me into a preacher’s home in California. That preacher was my brother, Bill and his influence ultimately led me to Christ and the life I now enjoy in Him.

 

Praise the Lord!

 

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

-Psalm 37:24